Hurrah! Mini disco time. With.... No children. Lots of elderly Germans. No children. This is no fun. Boo!
One of the more entertaining things to do on holiday is to visit the mini disco. Never heard of that? Let me explain.
Mini disco is the evening entertainment put on by holiday hotels, particularly in Spain, where the children’s entertainers put on a half an hour’s disco for kids staying with them. The songs are usually as polyglot as the audience and, with the exception of the ‘Birdie Song’ and ‘Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes,’ are of the type only ever heard on holiday.
The national characteristics on display both in terms of the music and from the children engaging with the evening are a constant source of amusement.
You can therefore imagine my anticipation last night as we headed from the buffet restaurant to the disco bar where the mini disco was to be held.
We arrive, look around.... No children.
Lots of elderly Germans.
This is no fun. Boo!
The music start and one lonely plucky British child starts dancing with the forlorn looking children's entertainer dressed as a pixie.
The bar has, however, filled up with elderly Germans who are looking uniformly perplexed at what is unfolding in front of them.
There are a fair few children sat amongst the tables surrounding the dance floor, however they are fixed to their seats, eying their dancing compatriot with the kind of disdain normally reserved for the class swot.
The children’s entertainer, faced with a wall of stony children’s faces, is clearly desperate given her one participant.
What’s not helping is that she is dressed as a pixie.
"Play heads & shoulders" shouts our forlorn pixie at DJ in desperation.
Hurrah! All the children join in.
In their seats!
I am beginning to feel very sorry for this poor woman. She dedicates her life to entertaining disinterested children.
I should mention that I asked the children's entertainer's nationality earlier. She replied gruffly "I'm BELGIAN!"
Maybe that's why all kids recoiling from her?
Clearly, our Belgian pixie host is getting beyond desperate. “Play the train song! Play train song!" she screams at DJ in desperation as she starts chugging around disco.
Belgian child entertainer pixie’s train consists of one child only as she weaves between numerous morose looking kids sitting with arms crossed.
This ‘train’ song is in Spanish. It normally requires the adults to form a tunnel with their hands and sing along too. Even we are all rooted to our seats this evening.
My sympathy for the poor children's entertainer grows by the minute. She gives up, rather disconsolately asking children to join in tomorrow night.
While the entertainer pleads with kids to join in tomorrow, DJ puts 'heads shoulders knees & toes' on again in the background. Guess what all the kids do? Yes, with the cruelty reserved for the pre-teens they all get up, on the dance floor, and start following the song.
Belgian child entertaining pixie is now looking homicidal as all the kids unilaterally perform 'head shoulders knees & toes' on the dance floor.
Meanwhile, the elderly Germans are getting restless. They're clearly impatient for the Pavarotti tribute who’s due on next.
Deciding to call it a night, J, the children and I pass the Pavarotti tribute act on the way out. Frankly, he looks a bit skinny for Pavarotti Hopefully he sounds like him, otherwise the elderly Germans’ tutting will drown out the music!
“Come back tomorrow,” calls Belgian child entertaining pixie as we leave, “I’m bringing Daisy,” (the hotel children’s mascot). It sounds more like a threat than an inducement.