I was humbled to be asked to write a guest blog for the British Association for Adoption and Fostering website.  BAAF are a remarkable organisation who support, advise and campaign for better outcomes for children in care.

The post is a about permanence and is an edited version of something I wrote a little while ago.

I hope you enjoy it:

I was asked to write a guest blog about our adoption journey for the US adoption website Those Four Little Words.

I thought you might like to see it too.

The bathroom looms large in so much of my writing.

I don't have a fetish about it, honestly.  It's just that so much of the action in our family happens there.  So many of the funny, and gross, action in our family happens there.

The response from prospective adopters following me on Twitter to these stories, usually tweeted as they occur, is fairly universally one of horror.  "Thanks for that," said one this morning.  "We finish Stage One preparation next week, I might be having second thoughts."

I'm guessing that all parents are never sure of what their children are going to be good at.  

I'm equally guessing though that biological parenthood provides some clues that are not present for the adoptive parent.

I once commented about how dating the school playground can be.  The comment came from the perspective of a male.  A gay male.  A gay male undertaking the the job of primary carer of our children.

I was surprised at the response.  So many people agreed with me.  So many Mums agreed with me.  My assumption that the fear, the trepidation, the isolation I felt standing at the edge of the asphalt, were emotions only I felt was quickly dispelled.

One after another Mums and Dads, heterosexual and homosexual, single parents, couples, birth parents and adoptive parents.  All expressed the same disquiet.  The same feeling of being 'outside the circle'.

Children have night terrors.  Particularly those in the three to six age group.  Not all, just some.  But even so they can be distressing when they happen.

Your child.  Not really awake.  Terrified.  Screaming.  Incapable of recognition of their environment.  Their surroundings.  Those in front of them.  

Usually they sink back into sleep after a few minutes during which their helpless parent is initially forced to wait, not intervening until the first wave of terror has passed, allowing some entrance.  Some interaction during which soothing words can be uttered, gestures offered, relaxation back into deep sleep encouraged.

Watching our children develop is fascinating.

I'm sure all parents say that at some point.  For us though, with adopted children, there is the added aspect of not being sure what might be lurking, genetically, within.

I was asked on Twitter yesterday if I had any advice for what to include in the Forever Family Book adoptive parents provide for the children about to be placed with them.

I realised I hadn't blogged about this aspect of our children's move to live with us, so here we go.

All families have traditions. Ours nor more or less than others.

However, as an adoptive family we, in common with most other adopters, have adapted ours to reflect the less conventional way in which we came together.

We have also had to adapt them to recognise the negative associations attached to some traditional celebrations for our children.

Adopting a child?

Make sure you stock up on tissues.  And Lemsip.  And paracetemol.

We were talking the other evening about what common factors there appear to be amongst those people with whom we have spoken about adoption.  

A strong, positive, passionate commitment to helping children was one.  

The desire to build a family, one that embraces children in love, care and security they had not previously known was another.

We often find ourselves in situations where we look at our children and their behaviours and wonder about the source of what's occurring, what they are saying, what they are doing.

Have they picked it up from us?

Is it something genetic?

Is it a behaviour un or sub-consciously learnt as a result of their being adopted?

The last couple of weeks have been a bit harrowing.

Much more for us than for the children.

As you may have seen from my post earlier this week, our three year old daughter has been in hospital undergoing some scheduled, routine, surgery.  Despite it's straightforward nature this still involved a general anaesthetic and a short stay, neither of which we looked forward to.

Things always come in threes don't they?

Three things have stopped me blogging for the last couple of days and will stop me doing so for the next few as well.